How important is self love?
“People love at their level of self love.”
This is a quote by Dr. Caroline Leaf, a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist. It struck me as relevant. We all need to be loved and accepted, but sometimes, we struggle with loving ourselves.
Are you ok with you? Or do you often wish you were more like someone else?
Maybe you wish you were born with a more cheerful disposition, or you wish you had fewer hang-ups.
Is there a constant dialogue of self-degradation going on in your mind?
Why can't I get out of this self-destructive cycle?
I can’t change,
Why do I keep failing?
I’m not good enough,
I’m a mess…
This kind of self-talk is not humility, and it’s certainly not healthy. How can we entertain these thoughts and agree with Psalms 149:14 (NIV): “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalms 149:14
Being too critical of oneself is a silent struggle for many, one I am all too familiar with. The words I say to myself are sometimes words I would never use on others. Why? Is it because I think it doesn’t matter since no one hears my thoughts?
My self-talk does matter, however, because when I am inwardly cutting myself down, I cannot outwardly show love to someone else. We often speak from the pain our negativity brings us, which comes out in how we treat those we love.
Our minds need to be healthy. We live in a sin-tainted world, and past experiences can stamp our brains with lies about who we are. It may be essential to investigate why our brains have created these negative pathways. Talking it out with a professional is helpful to detangle the knot of lies that have solidified over the years.
“I failed” is different from “I’m a failure.”
There is always room for personal growth and a change of thought patterns. Our failures and past mess-ups do not define who we are. “I failed” is different from “I’m a failure.” When we allow ourselves to live in the groove, long worn into our brain, that says, “I’m a failure,” it’s hard to live our life any differently. We become our worst enemy, coming at life with the preconceived idea that we will probably fail anyway, so why bother giving it our best?
If I don’t correct my destructive thinking patterns, I cannot expect someone else’s love to do it for me. My husband could tell me a thousand times that I am a wonderful woman and great mother, but his words fall on unhearing ears if the lies are still embedded. I can’t believe his words of affirmation because the lies in my head shout like truth.
If I have a hard time loving and accepting myself, do I have a hard time loving others?
We are made in God’s image, created uniquely for a specific purpose. We have been set in our sphere of influence to be witnesses of Christ’s mercy despite our brokenness. There is beauty in our past with its wounds, for the hurt, healing, and redemption are all pieces of the storyline that God wants to use to encourage others. We need to come to a place where we can love who God is moulding us to become.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
